Does the man always have to pay on a 1st date? ‘I spend S$860/month taking women out for dinner & drinks, but ghosted after 2nd or 3rd date’
A man recently said that he spends S$860 every month taking women out for dinner and drinks, only to be ghosted after the second or third date.
Feeling that he’s spending too much of his “hard-earned” money on dates, only for them to ghost him after the second or third date, he asked, “Does the man always have to pick up the check on a first date?”
“I feel like I’m being taken advantage of by the women who agree to meet me on a date,” the man added in a letter posted on marketwatch.com earlier this month.
“If they’re not serious, then why do they agree to be taken out for dinner?
I’m spending upwards of S$860 (US$600) a month on dates, and it’s eating into my other living expenses.
When did men have to pay for everything? When did dating have to be so expensive? Is coffee acceptable? Can I buy my own?” he also asked.
He was quickly assured by The Moneyist, who responded to his query, that even if he’s the man, he doesn’t have to pay for dinner on every single first (second or third) date, and warned that doing so would drain his finances for years to come.
“Twenty years ago, you might have gone on two or three dinner dates a month with the same person. But today’s economic conditions no longer support the old-fashioned notion that men should always pick up the bill for pre-dinner drinks, dinner, and wine.”
A recent survey showed that 40 per cent of both male and female Singaporeans say men should pay for the first date.
However, this number has decreased significantly in the past few years, because in 2013, another study showed that 87 per cent of Singaporean men believed they should pay for the first date, and 75 per cent of the women thought the same.
Interestingly, Love Meets Money, the recent study carried out by Syfe and Coffee Meets Bagel, also showed that only 30 per cent of the respondents said that couples should go dutch on the first date.
And in an age when many women not only earn as much money as their male peers, or even more, but also grew up believing in equality, no man should want to offend any woman by hinting that he’s in a better financial situation than she is.
Perhaps this would be a good rule of thumb: both persons going out on the date should be ready to shoulder at least part of the bill.
It would be good manners for the person who invited the other on the date to offer to foot the whole bill and to be prepared for their date to graciously accept, or decline.
But it would be equally polite for their date to offer to pay for half—and to be prepared for their date to say yes, or no, as they choose. /TISG
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